- I’m a Rev, Liang said plainly, in between mouthfuls of lunch.
I stared at her, frowning, not sure if I was understanding right.
- A Rev? You mean…?
- Yes.
I closed my eyes, feeling a sudden headache coming on. Not a real physical headache – well, a touch of that – but more that sense of imminent clusterfuck, that sinking despair when you feel let down, not just by the people around you, but by whatever cosmic order runs the world.
Eyes still closed, rubbing my temple, I asked,
- So last night, when we almost…
Curtly, she said, – We didn’t “almost”. I wouldn’t have let it gone that far.
I had my hand down your panties and I was pretty fucking hard, I thought to myself. We were that close to having you sucking me off. Or at least, I believed it.
I sighed. And, God help me, I probably wouldn’t have asked to see your license. Your non-existent, religiously denied license.
If I had to be honest, that’s what made me the most angry: the prospect that I would’ve broken the laws I’ve dedicated my life to protecting. That was where the sinking feeling became a sudden existential freefall.
Opening my eyes, I looked at her squarely.
- You could’ve told me sooner.
- I didn’t think it was necessary. I didn’t think…
And here she blushed, then her voice turned to a whisper, – I didn’t think I would’ve gone that far with you.
Now it was my turn to repeat her words.
- “I didn’t think”? “I didn’t think”? Jesus Fuck, that’s all your people argue for! Think ahead! Anticipate the temptation!
- “My” people? How dare you…
- How dare I? I’ve read the literature, I fucking researched it for God’s sake!
- Stop using the Lord’s name…
- Stop changing the subject!
And we stopped there for a moment, mentally regrouping, each of us anticipating what the other had to say.
I kept trying to tell myself, Nothing happened. No laws were broken. But that was beside the point, in many ways. I was ready to break the laws. If push came to shove and she told me she had no license, if she tried to stop me then and there, would I have relented? I’d like to think so.
Jesus Fuck, why didn’t she stop me the second I reached into her skirt?
We stared at each other. I tried not to glower, I tried to seethe without being threatening. She tried to look steadfast, righteous – but placidly so. Like what happened wasn’t her fault at alll – or maybe nobody’s fault. I couldn’t figure her out anymore.
Finally, the silence broke. Liang said,
- Listen, I really like you…
Before she could go further, I stood up and walked out of the restaurant. Let her pay the fucking bill, I didn’t care. I didn’t want to hear what she had to say next. I just needed to get out of there, get away from her, maybe find a license-breaker or two – Chesters would be best – and invoke Code Bauer on them.
The fresh air outside did nothing to calm me. The only thing that could calm me down was some good old fashioned law enforcement.